The craziest year of my life is over. As of a week from now, I will FINALLY be gainfully employed again. And of course, not only was the journey a stressful one, but after a year of NO offers I ended up with TWO in the span of 2 hours. First world problem, I know. And while I should have reveled in the embarrassment of riches, I actually found myself in the midst of a full-blown identity crisis. Let me explain.
As the year-mark of my hunt for employment approached, I basically had given up. Not given up the search, but given up the fantasy that there's a "perfect" job. There are lots of GREAT jobs - I apply to them all the time, and don't get called. If I do get a call, something happens where someone else has more experience, I don't have the "right" experience, or the organization doesn't know what they want and they hire no one. Some potential employers are nicer and more professional about it than others. And it's not just the job itself to be considered...of course there's the salary, benefits, and work-life balance. It was becoming very apparent that if I was looking for a job with meaning, a respectable wage, and the flexibility I needed to also be a mom I could only pick 2.
Salary is almost a non-issue since in the nonprofit sector many organizations expect their employees to be martyr-like while paying their top (usually male) executives salaries that put them in the proverbial 1%. Believe me, I have no illusions that I will ever make a lot of money but I do need to eat, and so do my kids. And I have no patience for lines like "we don't work here for the money, we do it because we believe in the mission!" expressed with convincing enthusiasm. In my book, that's called volunteering. So given the economy (it's an employer's market, after all), my expectations were reasonable and I was a little more flexible with my requirements.
What I'm left with, then, is deciding between jobs that would fulfill me and fully utilizes my skills, education, and experience and propels me on an upward career trajectory, and jobs where I'm - dare I say - "overqualified" but will give me the quality of life that I need and want. Which brings me to last week...
I had being applying to both kinds of jobs, and within the last month had made headway with one job in the former category (career building) and one in the latter (quality of life). The job with meaning was a fundraising job...a great job for me with my fundraising experience. It was at a top-notch organization with a challenging and exciting portfolio. But along with it would inevitably come more stress and less flexibility to fulfill my parenting responsibilities than they were leading me to believe I could have. I also have my photo business, which has become very important in my life and not something I want to give up. And finally, there was just something about the whole interview process that made me uneasy...I can't really put my finger on it, but even though it was the better job, something just did not click. Maybe it was that it was so scripted and by the book, and didn't at all give me a genuine impression of what it would be like to work there. Maybe it was the fact that my would-be boss took notes throughout the entire interview and barely made eye contact. Or maybe it was the fact that they hadn't been able to fill the position for a year...which I'm guessing the salary may have had something to do with it (red flag!).
The other job - an administrative/operations one - was clearly going to give me the quality of life I desired. But by no means am I suggesting it's entirely without meaning. Quite the contrary. It's for a Jewish organization, and I know from the interviews that they really appreciate my skills and experience that will contribute in a meaningful way. The interviews were warm and collegial, and the best part - it's 4 blocks from my house. Adios commuting!
I got the first offer from the fundraising job. I was scared. I honestly felt like I was forcing myself to be excited because it wasn't like I could turn it down. I needed the job; well, I needed A job. I tentatively negotiated a few points, and left the ball in their court. An hour later, I got the second offer and was stunned. Not only was I not expecting it (I was sure they were going to consider me overqualified and not be able to meet my salary requirements) but I now had to make the decision I had been anticipating might happen. It wasn't going to be made for me, like most of my jobs in the past. Shit. I'm terrible at making big decisions.
However, I knew in my heart which job I was going to take. I just needed the confidence boost that I was indeed making the right decision. Not only that, I needed to be reassured that I wasn't giving up my career by choosing the lifestyle over the job. The reality is, I don't want to be a career fundraiser...sure, I'm good at it and I like it enough, but it's not my forever career. And this is likely not the last job I'll ever have. Making a change that is better for my family is not a bad thing...right?
Oh yeah, and the salaries and benefits were almost identical. (The fact that the Development Manager salary was being offered at basically the same rate as an Admin job is a whole other problem.) So let's see...if money is off the table, and I don't really love the job that is going to look better on my resume, why would I NOT choose the job closer to home, with Jewish holidays off, and regular hours so I never have to stress about picking up my kids?
Furthermore, I can't take risks anymore. There's too much at stake. Stability is much more important to me than climbing some hypothetical career ladder only to smash into the glass ceiling, which as a working woman and mom most definitely exists. Sure, the other job may have been more challenging and exciting, but with much greater demands and higher expectations. In another life, where working late on a whim wouldn't have been an issue, I would have jumped at the opportunity. But my kids need me. And I need them. And I look forward to the challenges that will come with this new job, knowing that at the end of the day I really get to leave my work at work and come home to focus on the kids, my photography, my commitments to IKAR, and our crazy, messy life.
So there you have it. Time to dust off my heels and get ready to program the coffee maker to go off in the morning...did I mention I start at 7:45am? But since I can walk out my door and be there in less than 10 minutes by foot, I'm not too worried. I look forward to meeting and getting to know my new colleagues and continuing to expand my network and skills. Finally, life is getting back to normal...whatever that is.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
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