Please don't tell me I can sleep in 18 years...

Ugh. I'm tired. It's really starting to catch up with me. Not just the last 4 months, but from the pregnancy and since Ivy's birth and the pregnancy that preceded it. I need to sleep. And I don't mean to suggest that we don't sleep at all. Sidney is a decent sleeper (as was Ivy), but it's the quality of sleep that has gone down the tubes. And I don't get to take advantage of weekend naps because I'm trying to put Sid down while Mike passes out with Ivy (today for 3 hours - no fair!). It's hard to rest your chronically aching back when you're huddled on the edge of the bed trying not to squish the baby on your right side (or fall off for that matter), freezing cold because the covers have been torn away, and then having to nurse the whole night.

We're definitely at the 4 Month Whatever phase - you know, the one where first time parents eat their words for saying their kid had slept through the night by 3 months only to realize that the kid has no intention of doing it ever again for a few months. Call it a growth spurt or whatever you want, but it's not fun. Add to that we moved Sidney into Ivy's room a week ago, so we're still trying to figure out which of them is least likely to wake up the other. So far, they're both losing. The minute Sid hits 6 months, we're going to send Ivy to my parents for a couple days and sleep train him. We have to. I won't be able to function like this for too much longer. I can't be the kind of mom I want, and need, to be.

And it's not like I'm not trying to be Super Mom...just Average Mom will do. The kind of mom who doesn't forget to pack her kid a lunch and avoids traffic collisions when her eyelids are drooping (for the record, I have forgotten to pack lunch but thank God have not yet gotten into a car accident due to falling asleep at the wheel). I don't want to be so irritable during the few precious hours I have home with the kids during the week. I don't want to have to rely on coffee to get me through the day. I want my 2 pairs of nice works pants to fit without causing painful skin-dentations right above my still-tender c-section scar (though admittedly this is partly my own fault for having no willpower when, say, someone brings donuts to the office). And I desperately need a hair cut, but feel guilty at the mere thought of spending a fortune at the place I really want to go to.

I'm already planning what I'm going to do when Sid is weaned - I'm going to hit the 10 and head straight to Palm Springs without stopping, alone, where I'm going to hole up in a hotel and sleep in a big comfy bed all by myself and only leave my room to sit/sleep by the pool where my back pain will be massaged away. It will be bliss...feel free to contribute to the Kim Silverstein Sanity Vacation Fund at any time. I will set up a PayPal account and all I need is the last 4 digits of your social and your mother's maiden name. ;-)

So since I'm sure you're wondering why I even invited you to this Pity Party of One, I'll share some fun details of the awesome weekend we had with Mike's parents and grandfather. We had a lovely Shabbat dinner at home on Friday - the first nice, real dinner I've cooked in almost a year for more than 3 people - and lots of relaxing time at the house, playing and talking. We went out to celebrate GG's 93rd birthday (!!) and feasted on cupcakes and ice cream cake (again, no willpower). There were lots of laughs, as Ivy entertained the heck out of us, and everyone will surely sleep well tonight...well, except for me of course.

Here's my gigantic 4 month old, clocking in at 17lb 2oz last week at his check up. Damn. Oh, and Ivy has her first dentist appointment tomorrow - wish us luck!