She wore an...

Well it will likely not be an itsy bity teeny weeny...you know. We go to Hawaii in just less than 2 weeks, and I am at a complete loss for what to wear on the beach. I really have very few options. I ordered a couple maternity bathing suits online, just to see what they look like and if I even needed them. A lot can change between now and 2 weeks, so I wanted to be prepared. Big mistake. Well, sure they would be appropriate if I were say 8 1/2 months pregnant but I am really no where near Shamu size yet so those are going straight back. So basically I am left with my pre-pregnancy bikinis...if they even fit. Forget about the fact that I will be one of THOSE women that other women look at and shake their heads in a "she really shouldn't be wearing that" or "someone pigged out over the holidays" fashion. It's not pretty. Four months is a funny stage - normal stuff just doesn't fit quite right, but it's not time for maternity clothes yet. I have a stash waiting for me for when the hour is indeed upon me, but in the meantime don't expect any pictures of me laying on the sand or anything!

In other news, we had another doc appointment this afternoon. Heartbeat is strong, and I've gained my first 5 pounds. Right before we leave in a little over a week we go for the next ultrasound. Pics forthcoming.

Dumb questions for pregnant people

Listen, I understand that a lot of us slept through sex-ed class in 7th grade and don't fully comprehend the basics of human reproduction. And now with the Idiot-in-Chief's plan for abstinence-only sex-ed, the ignorance is only going to grow. But the ridiculous questions I have been asked after "breaking the news" to people have been really astounding. I guess I should have expected this lack of knowledge after our first meeting with Dr. Tsui, who felt the need to explain to us how babies are born (hint: it involves a penis and a vagina). So here are some dumb questions you should NOT ask after a couple tells you that they're having a baby:

1. Aren't you like so excited?

No, we're pissed off. Of course we're excited! If we weren't excited, we wouldn't be telling you. "Actually, we tried to abort the kid, but insurance wouldn't cover it, so here we are..."

2. When did you start telling people?

Reading between the lines, this means "how important am I to you?" Get over yourself, jerk. "We've told everyone we know, including the homeless guy that hangs out by my office, except you, because we're sick of your ugly face."

3. Are you gonna find out if it's a boy or a girl? What do you want to have?

This one hits close to home because we're not finding out the baby's gender. Sometimes when I tell this to people, they say "Great!" which is the correct response, even if you don't agree with this and think we're making a huge mistake. But sometimes they go "Oooh..." like we've made the wrong choice. Honey, when you have a baby, you can do whatever you want. As far as the second part of the question goes, I want a healthy kid. Since I have no control over the kid's gender, I'm just gonna hope for "human" and leave everything else up to the Fates.

4. Are you thinking of names for the baby? Don't name it something like X.

Because of course, the person who said this to me said one of the names highest on our list...

5. Was it an accident?

You have NO IDEA how many people have asked us that, or some variation on it. What do you take us for? And what if the kid HAD been an accident? How're you gonna ask us that? It's like you telling your friend "I got into a car accident today," and your friend immediately asks "How drunk were you at the time?" (Not that our baby is like a car accident or anything... Our baby is awesome). Interestingly, the people who have asked us this tend to be our more conservative friends. We're in a married relationship sanctified by Hashem and the state of California - shouldn't having babies be the logical next step in our lives? Maybe that's what happens when you don't take sex-ed because it's "immoral" - you have no concept of how responsible, mature adults go about having a baby.

The best example of this came when I told the infamous J (who's 35, mind you) about our baby. After asking the most important question about our baby ("What's its sign going to be?"), he then asked "So how did Kim tell you?" This is how the rest of the convo went:

Me: What do you mean?

J: You know, when she found out. That must have been really awkward.

Me: Well, not really. I mean, we planned it.

J: Planned it? What do you mean?

Me: I mean we planned it. I mean... J, I didn't knock Kim up or anything. We planned it.

J: Oh. I don't know how these things work.

Me: Well, we were using birth control, and then we decided to have a baby, so we stopped using birth control, and Kim got pregnant.

J: Oh. Oh wow. Huh. So you've been thinking about this for a while then?

Me: Yeah.

J: Oh. Huh. I guess I never knew that's how you did it.

HOW ELSE WOULD YOU DO IT???? Jeez! Now I am usually loathe to blame movies for anything, because a) I work in the movie business and b) I have seen many many violent movies and have never killed anyone, but I gotta think that the media is to blame here. You rarely see a movie about a couple responsibly having a child (although I guess there's no drama in that), so people whose only conception of real life is from the movies (like J) have no clue about how normal people make babies, and just assume that every pregnancy is an accident. Not every kid is a mistake! In other news, today 16 year old Jamie Lynn Spears announced that she is pregnant. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that that one was indeed an accident. Yeah. Suffice it to say, our kid will not be in her kid's play group (or group therapy sessions, whichever come first).

 - Big Papi

I'm already pregnant, so what other kind of shenanigans could I get into?

I am currently obsessed with the movie Juno, and not just because it's a movie about pregnancy. It's sweet and witty, and fabulously cast, and really that's all I require to spend $12.50 to sit in the dark for 2 hours. And by the end, tears were streaming uncontrollably down my face (surprise - the birth scene), and I looked over at Mike who also was a bit misty. "Hits too close to home" he said. Yeah. I don't think I'm the only one with pregnancy hormones on overdrive.

(Caution - what's below is not a spoiler per se, but if you're planning to see the movie and are one of those people who can't stand to know details about it before you see it, then you might want to stop here.)

It's funny working where I work and talking about how the movie deals with "our issues." I have been readily assuring everyone that it's a non-statement in my opinion and certainly does not go the route of pushing a hard political agenda. They completely neglect any mention of contraceptives (or lack thereof), though its inferred that none were used...at least there is no "the condom broke" angle when Juno discovers she's pregnant. And her experience at the women's clinic reeks of hilarity and is more of a tongue-in-cheek commentary on the experience (lame protester outside, airhead receptionist, etc). So Juno decides not to "procure a hasty abortion", but not for any value-laden reason except that she is bugged out by the other people in the waiting room. And besides, if she had an abortion there would really be no sense in going forward with the movie!

Everything from that point forward just makes you laugh and smile, and even cry. Two thumbs up - oh, and two more from Baby Silv, with its fingernails.

Cupcakes are the way to go

Some people like taking center stage to make a Big Announcement; I prefer baking. When my boss asked me if I wanted to make my news an agenda item at our upcoming staff meeting, I knew there was no way on Gd's green earth that THAT would ever happen so I had to think of something more passive. And since everyone in my office is a sucker for treats, I figure I'd win them over to Camp Baby Silv with some cupcakes.

It's always funny to send out that email that says "I have goodies in the kitchen" and watch people book out of their offices and run to the kitchen to see what's there the moment you hit send. We're totally pavlovian like that. Not only were they excited about the cupcakes, but they were able to wipe away the pink and blue frosting long enough to also express excitement about the news too.

And since some of you who live farther away than, say, Hancock Park have been asking to see belly pictures, I will reluctantly indulge you though I have to warn it might not be pretty or even exciting at this point. I pretty much look the same...looks more like a food baby.

Weird, huh?

Yup, it's public!

Okay, here is our first attempt at blogging and we figure what better excuse to join the 21st century that to chronicle my pregnancy and Gd willing the birth and life of our first child. I don't have much to say at this point, except that the sickness is over (thank GD!) and we're having fun sharing the news with friends and family. Enjoy the first couple pictures of the little Goober (one of the many names we call it already), and stay tuned for more pictures and our wacky adventures.This is was our first ultrasound at 9 weeks 6 days...it was so crazy! The little one waved with its tiny stub of an arm and we laughed in awe. It was great to finally see it and hear the heartbeat.

Here's the second ultrasound, just about 2 1/2 weeks later - it's amazing how much more defined all the features and limbs are at this point. It's clearly our child - giving us a sassy finger wiggle on the nose. Smart ass kid. Again we got a big wave from its little arm. Awesome!