Salad dressing mania

We are ready for the kid to pop out already. Today would be the ideal day for it to come for many reasons, and when we went to the doctor today, he said that in his expert opinion, it would not come until next week at the earliest. Great. Kim's getting pissy, which makes me pissy (Poker remains nonplussed about the whole thing). And once again, the advice pours in.

It seems like everyone we know has some sort of magic formula for making the baby come when we want it to. And I'm not talking about driving on bumpy roads or sex; I'm talking salad dressing. Apparently the right salad dressing (or, in the case of #19 Rated Rabbi in America Sharon Brous, pie) can convince the baby to pop out when you want it to. People left and right are volunteering to concoct their magic salad dressing for us so that the baby can shoot on out at a convenient time. There is even a restaurant in the Valley that is famous for its salad (known simply as "The Salad") which they guarantee will make your baby come out after eating.

Now I've never been one to fall for pseudo-science mumbo-jumbo, and this sounds like hogwash to me. The fact is, anyone who's eating this salad dressing (or pie) is already pretty pregnant. Can we truly say that the salad dressing was the cause of the birth, as opposed to the fact that the woman eating the salad was at 39 weeks? And how long do you have to wait for this salad dressing to kick in? A day? Three days? If you eat the salad on Monday, and have the baby Friday, do you claim that the salad worked or didn't? What if you're 6 months pregnant and you eat this salad. Will you have the baby then? If I eat the salad, will I give birth, despite being, for all intents and purposes, a dude? Did Professor Snape create this elixir in his classroom at Hogwarts Academy?

So I'm not down with the salad dressing. The pie is another story though, cause it's pie! Who can say no to pie? I know I can't. Mmmmmm... pie. - Mike