Alas, never a dull moment over here. After some more sporadic bleeding over the weekend, despite being a very good bed rest patient (albeit restless), I made a third trip to the hospital. This time I just breezed right in - they all practically know me by now. I was in tears leaving the house, knowing it would be the last time I would see it for a few weeks and would be returning with a baby. Also in my crying mess I was thinking about missing my community during High Holy Days and, worse, missing Ivy's first day of preschool.
The good news - I dodged a bullet and got to come home. I was SO lucky that Dr. Tsui happened to be the doctor on call at the hospital that day, and between him and the resident (who I decided I also loved) we were able to have a great conversation about what comes next. The upshot was I was likely to continue bleeding between now and whenever I deliver, whether I was in the hospital on bed rest or at home on bed rest. And that would be normal - not great, but not cause for alarm unless the bleeding got worse. So they agreed that I could go home. Yay! What a relief because if it had been another doctor there to make the call, I would be typing this from good old room 3006. I said that of course I would stay if that's what they thought was best, but that if I had an option I would be more comfortable and less stressed at home. So I left once again, this time after only 1/2 a day. And God willing I don't go back until it's time to take the baby out.
The less good news (or not, depending how you look at it) - 39 weeks aint happening. WAAAHHH! Because of the bleeding my doctor doesn't think I'll make it past 37 weeks, and the risks increase since I've already had these complications, so we're moving things up. As much as I'm ready for this to be over, I still feel like I need a little more time, and really wanted to cook the kid longer. After Ivy made her appearance at a whopping 9lb 2oz, I knew there was no way any kid of mine would ever wear newborn-size diapers or clothes. And even at the prospect of delivering a week early, I was fairly certain Dos would be at least around 8lbs. But now, I'm going a little bonkers because we have NO newborn-size anything! I know, a problem easily solved by a quick trip to Target...oh wait, we're boycotting. Dammit! Well, this should be the least of my worries.
We've picked an eviction date - around 37 weeks - and we await confirmation from the OR schedule. Why does it JUST NOW seem so real? I still have days where I think, "I'm pregnant?" How did this all happen so fast?
How fitting, I suppose, that this kid will make its grand entrance during this most holy time of the year. I am grateful that I will have some time for serious, focused reflection on what this last year has brought. Because there have been some whoppers. I really am in awe of all that has happened. I left a job where I was miserable, despite some great perks. I got a new job, which so far has been great. Mike also experienced some major job transition, and for both us our professional lives still keep us up at night as we struggle to figure out how to support our growing family. I got pregnant (duh), and managed to survive the roller-coaster that was the experience, uncertainty, sickness and all. Ivy has grown up into an adorable little person with whom we can have real conversations. It's been amazing - both painful and wonderful, and sometimes both at the same time.
And it's also the opportunity to look to next year and think about the person I will strive to become - the kind of mother I hope to be to now 2 children, the kind of partner I need to be to Mike, and the kind of individual I want to be in the world, for my work, for my community, and for myself. That's the hardest one of all. Even though over the last year I have found strength I didn't know I had, I still have to maintain it and even grow it in the next year because God knows when the pregnancy ends the journey does not. It's a new beginning - a new year, and a new life - for me and for the baby. Again. Like it is every year.
Shana tova!
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2 comments:
wait why are you boycotting target? did I miss something? Glad to hear you are somewhat well. I know that these decisions can be tough to make but once they are made the decision it can get easier to move forward. Congrats on Ivy going to preschool too. Such a wonderful way to start the new year. I look forward to meeting Dos.
Shana tova to you and just wanted you to know that even though I haven't seen you for a long time, I'm thinking of you and wishing you all the very best. You have a good head on your shoulders. That has served you well up to this point and will continue to do so. Keep listening to yourself. You're smart!
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