Modified Bed Rest - neither bedridden nor restful. Discuss.

You’re probably thinking, wow Kim’s been sitting on her fat pregnant butt for a week now since coming home from the hospital, so why the hell isn’t she blogging?

Truth be told, my life isn’t horribly different than before, mainly because I am still working…from home, that is. Thank GOD, because I would have gone totally crazy by now if I hadn't been able to work out this telecommuting arrangement. I mean how much bad TV can one watch? And I love that I'm finally making a dent in the stack of books by my bed, but in this heat reading makes me sleepy, especially if I'm on the couch or my bed. I considered trying to take up knitting, per several people's suggestion, but I don't think I have the patience...and I fear that if I started, I would never stop. Ever. Like I would knit while driving, which is probably up there in the danger category with texting. I just know that I can exhibit compulsive, addictive behaviors sometimes, so yeah... I have some photo projects to work on, but can't seem to get motivated (what else is new?) to finish them. Baby steps, I keep telling myself.

And then there's internet shopping.

Good lord, it's a REALLY good thing I'm still working or else I'd be spending even more time than I already browsing around the endless mall of the world wide web. It started out with researching and falling in love with baby stuff that I "need" and want. Now I've moved on. I'm already looking past birth and starting to think about fabulous things for ME once I've dropped the pregnancy weight and gone back to work. And of course all the things I've been ogling are wildly out of my budget (which is approximately $0, given the fact that I will be on unpaid leave and supporting 2 children) or totally impractical. Or both. Like these monsters:

C'mon, I NEED these, right? Right?

Or this:

Not exactly ideal for nursing...

I really need to unsubscribe from Anthropologie's emails, and those of every other retailer that find their way into my inbox on a daily basis...

::snapping back to reality::

So yeah, as I was saying, my weekdays are just as filled as before and afternoons/evenings with Ivy are also the same as before but with me doing noticeably less active parenting (sorry Mike). I just can’t be lifting her in and out of the bathtub or standing on my feet cooking dinner (which I had become quite accustomed to in the last month or so), so Mike has been playing the role of Super Dad. When Ivy gets home from day care she comes straight to our room where we have a snuggle party (she actually runs through the house shouting "SNUGGLE PARTY!") on the bed. Snuggle parties consist of Ivy trying to find a comfortable way to sit in my lap and kiss the baby, and then reading some stories or playing with dolls before inevitably getting down to go bother Mike who's in the kitchen making dinner and demand milky or juicy. I actually love the time we've been spending together because it's relaxing for me, and quality time for her. We've also had some afternoon visitors for play dates which is great for all of us - especially me, because this becomes the only contact I have with the outside world!

Spending so much time in the house makes me constantly aware of things I need to do, aside from above-mentioned enjoyable activities. I am always reminded of what's dirty and needs to be cleaned, and what little household projects are just waiting to be tackled. And then there's the evening and weekend downtime...oy. Don't get me wrong - I enjoy relaxing and all that jazz, but it's not like my days are an empty canvas that I can paint to my heart's desire. It's different when you get to take the day off by choice than when you're forced to lay low. It's not as if I'm spending my time getting mani/pedis or going to the movies or window shopping while eating a cupcake or Pinkberry. It's HARD to stay in bed, especially on the weekends! And I'm not even strictly confined, but there isn't much else to do that doesn't involve heavy labor (including grocery shopping, which I love) or leaving the house (which I have done, but just for low-key activities). Heck, I'd even enjoy doing laundry or cleaning out another closet, but I'm trying to refrain from that kind of stuff too.

The kicker of it all - modified bed rest ends when I deliver. At which point I will be off work with my sweet baby...spending more time at home. Again. Good thing I like where I live.

Maybe I'll even get struck by lightening twice!

It's the post I've dreaded writing, and have been hoping and praying I never would have to write it. It's been a long weekend with an unexpected trip to the hospital where I've been since Friday night. Here's the whole, long story:

Back at week 19, I went in for my "big" ultrasound, when they do an entire anatomy scan. Baby was doing great - measuring a little ahead, and I covered my eyes when the technician checked out the goods. When the doctor came in a little while later to look over her pictures, he abruptly shared the news that I had placenta previa. The gist of it was my placenta was covering the top of my cervix and if it didn't migrate over the next 12 or so weeks I would need a c-section, thank you goodbye.

Needless to say I left the office in tears, feeling totally overwhelmed and lacking information about this. Of course I ran home and consulted Dr. Google, which is always the WORST thing to do when diagnosed with anything, especially pregnancy related. But I did learn some interesting facts and statistics, which is more than I can say for the doctor at the prenatal diagnosis center (not my regular OB, who totally kicks ass). Placenta previa typically causes no pain, unless you're having cramping or contractions, and is nearly a random occurance, in terms of where the placenta ends up attaching to the uterus, except that you're more likely to have it if you've have a previous c-section or are a cocaine user, neither of which apply to me. There is no way to prevent it, and really no way to treat it except being extra cautious when it comes to daily activity. Oh and no sex. (Okay.) About 1 in 200 women have placenta previa during pregnancy. But only 10% still have it by the time they deliver; for the other 90% the placenta migrates over the course of the pregnancy as the uterus expands, leaving the cervix unobstructed and free for vaginal delivery.

So lemme get this straight. Ten percent of 1 in 200 is approximately .05% of pregnant women who end up having placenta previa at the time of birth. I'm no statistician, but I'm even more in the minority here than I was getting pregnant on the pill! I wonder what the stats are of women who get pregnant on the pill AND have placenta previa...(I actually tried doing the math at 5:00 this morning when I was lying awake in my hospital bed, but quickly gave up).

Do I know how to beat the odds or what? Why can't I friggin' win the lottery or something?

So of course I'm devastated. I am terrified beyond belief of having a c-section, even though I know it's unfortunately quite common and that my situation makes it mandatory. And I guess, if I have to choose, I'd rather know about it in advance than have an "emergency" situation where I'm unprepared...which could of course still have happened even without previa. But still. I can't even have minor dental surgery without extreme panic attacks requiring heavy sedatives...and you're telling me I'm going to be awake while they slice open my abdomen and pull a baby out?! Holy shit! Not at all how I envision giving birth. Seriously, surgery??!!

And besides, imaging giving birth again, the way I did with Ivy, is what has gotten me through some of the darkest moments of this pregnancy. I loved the surprise of going to labor - especially since with Ivy I was past 40 weeks. I knew it was going to be any day, but I had no idea when. I loved pushing - Mike and Sameer, the resident, were my awesome coaches until Dr. Tsui arrived. They made it fun and cheered me on for over 2 hours. And I loved the way Dr. Tsui came in and took care of business, helping me bring my beautiful daughter into the world with warmth, calmness, and professionalism. I feel like of all the blows I've been dealt during this experience, this one hurts the most. Of course, I'm grateful that we have the technology and know-how to have determined my situation early on, thus saving me from going into labor and God forbid hemorhaging or hurting the baby. But I still feel robbed of having the birth experience that would have meant so much to me, especially after all the stress and anxiety of this pregnancy.

And apparently my prayers from weeks 19-31 that the placenta would migrate were not answered.

On Friday, I came home from a quick work trip in the Bay Area in time for Shabbat, missing Mike and Ivy so much, and excited to spend the weekend hanging out (or "just chilling" as Ivy has been known to say lately). It was a packed couple days with more running around than I normally do, but I wasn't feeling any worse than usual, just tired and ready come and collapse. My plane landed and I jumped straight in my car to head to Shabbat dinner with our friends Rebecca and Adam and their son Simon (Ivy's new best bud). I got to their apartment where Mike and Ivy already were and immediately had to pee. No surprise there, considering a small child is constantly sitting on my bladder.

Well then I discovered I was bleeding. Not good. Called the doctor on call and she told me to come to the hospital. Oy. I had literally spent 5 minutes with Ivy and now I had to turn around and leave her again. We went to the hospital and Rebecca and Adam were so amazing to let Ivy stay over for a while...though she clearly missed her chance for her first and only co-ed sleepover while she lives under our roof, as she did NOT want to go to bed even when Simon went down. Poor thing - did not do well with this situation.

Anyway, we headed to the hospital, trying to not panic. When I walked into the ER, people who were waiting were all giving me smiles, probably thinking "Oh neat, she's in labor!" NO! I'm only 31 weeks dammit!!! Fortunately I was whisked away quickly and put in a triage room where the tests and poking and prodding began. We watched some bad TV (including an awesome infomercial for these) and waited. I was finally moved to a real room just before midnight, and at 1am the doctor came in for an ultrasound. I was so lucky that he happened to be the director of the maternal and fetal medicine department for all of the hospital - he was lovely; talked me through everything and giving me understandable explanations of what was going on. Basically my placenta was still previa, but since all the bloodwork and cultures came back normal there was no sign of abruption and it was likely just a few too many contractions (thanks to being dehydrated and from too much activity) that caused the bleeding. I am now on 48-hour watch to make sure I am done bleeding and before I can go home. All this time, no pain or anything. And Dos was still kicking and punching up a storm - doesn't like the external fetal monitor that the nurse kept trying to tape in place! And once they started me on an IV the contractions stopped.

So thus began my stay here - ahh the memories of staying at the hospital. Crappy food (though the process of menu selection is quite hilarious, especially when you choose Kosher food), people constantly barging in to bring extra towels and cups of water and who knows what else (but not taking anything away), and of course the awesome nurses! I have been so lucky to have some great women taking care of me. The best part was getting a visit from Dionne, who was my nurse from when Ivy was born - she totally remembered us and it was great to see her. But basically I'm just sitting here, feeling fine, and totally bored out of my skull. A couple friends have come to visit, bringing me delicious food and wonderful company (and nasty magazines...ahem, you know who you are), and my parents and brother also came up for a visit. Mike has spent several hours here, and Ivy has came by a couple times as well. She didn't love watching me get my blood pressure taken - "take it off!!!" - but felt much more relieved when the "uh-oh's" (the external fetal monitors) were removed from my belly. She finally agreed to come snuggle on the bed with me and covered my tummy with kisses. She loves the baby so much already, it's so amazing. She also ate every package of crackers in sight and loved watching cartoons on the TV. She gets more comfortable with the scene the more she visits. But it's so hard being away from her.

Okay keep your fingers crossed that I get to bust outta here soon. Will likely be Tuesday at this point, and who knows what's next. I'm looking forward to finally getting to talk to my doctor tomorrow, as I have not been terribly pleased with the one in his group who's been on call this weekend. And if you're nearby, I welcome the company - seriously, it's no imposition and will help pass the time. I look like crap, but you'll deal.

Oh and bring some scratcher tickets with you - I need to beat the odds in my favor this time, especially with an unintended hospital bill coming down the pike. Thanks!

Live from Labor and Delivery, praying that neither occurs for several more weeks!

What's on YOUR list?

I've started making lists...for nesting purposes. And just for keeping all my thoughts straight for the next couple months. I have a serious case of preggers brain, and if I don't write it down, it will likely be forgotten in approximately 15 seconds. So I opened up a notebook that I keep on my dresser and just start listing things. It's a to-do list of epic proportions - it even includes my fantasy wish list of what I'd do if I had a day to pamper myself! Of course that's in addition to the mundane like cleaning out closets and buying various newborn necessities, not to mention my own personal CVS shopping list like "nail clippers" and "shaving cream" (even though there aren't many parts of me left that I am able to shave...).

Here's the problem - I'm great at making lists, and terrible at crossing things off. I think I just like the exercise of writing things down. It helps me feel organized and energizes me to get to work. But I always seem to put off getting things done, or deciding they don't need to be done at all. I am determined to turn over a new leaf, and not go down that road this time...what would Dos think if s/he came home to an untidy house or saw its mommy for the first time without unwaxed eyebrows?

Last weekend, we tackled the biggest item of all - the Closet of Shame. In fact, the very name is why I'm not posting a "before" picture, but here's the result:

Sampler of things still left to do:

• Clean out the garage - we have not best utilized our space, and right now it looks like a stroller warehouse.
• Clean out the file cabinet - it's time to join the 21st century and go paperless over at the Silverstein house. I will be bringing large bags of old (ancient) credit card statements to the office on a daily basis to shred.
• Start reorganizing and prepping Ivy's room in anticipation of her new roommate - included as a sub-list item here is what to do about the big girl bed. We have a great twin size trundle bed that we're planning to use, but need to find someone handy to refinish and paint it. And then we have to figure out exactly when to do the transfer. Ivy loves her crib, and I don't want her to feel like she's being kicked out when Dos arrives. But I do want her to have time to get used to the new bed so when it comes time for Dos to take over the crib she won't freak out, even though that won't be until s/he is about 3-4 months old.
• See RAMONA AND BEEZUS...alone. With popcorn and gummy bears. Alone. (See fantasy wish list for Day of Pampering)

The nearly two months I have left seems like more than ample time to accomplish all this, right?

Also, in the spirit of nesting and weeding out crap, while simultaneously making lists of things I need, it's hard to not want to get suckered into buying all new things for this baby! We purposefully got as much gender neutral stuff with Ivy so it could be reused, regardless of the next one's sex. And for major stuff, I'm totally fine with keeping the same carseat (red) and basic onesies (white, yellow, green). Besides, not only does it save us a lot of money, but it's more green - no need to wastefully purchase new items, with all of their excess plastic and cardboard packing material, when recycling old ones are much more friendly to the environment. And I love me some good hand-me-downs! But then I see things like this:

and I go "SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! I NEED A NEW DIAPER BAG!!! WITH BLUE FOR A BOY OR PINK FOR A GIRL!!!" Even though of course the diaper bag I have is in fine condition and matches the carseat and stroller (black and red), and really gives me NO reason to get a new one. This is the problem with cleaning stuff out - you get all excited by the extra room, and it's tempting to not fill it up! And lord knows the money I am tempted to spend on things like custom-colored diaper bags and whatnot would be better spent on necessities...like diapers or day care or college. Time to step away from the Internet.

Baby, we're going to swim class!

It's been a hectic week, keeping up with Ivy and having many busy days at work lately. I've been getting home with barely enough energy to make dinner, and after Ivy goes to bed I'm lucky if I have it in me to waddle my aching back over to the couch and watch the various teen pregnancy and Food Network reality shows I have on DVR. Hence, the lack of blogging in a while. (Meanwhile, Mike has started his own blog, though not a baby one, hence his absence as well...link to that coming soon.)

It occurred to me today that it was exactly 6 months ago that I found out I was pregnant. I remember everything about that day as if it were last week. And yet it seems like I've been pregnant forever. So much has changed since then, in our lives and with this pregnancy, that I feel like we've lived another lifetime. But I've come to accept it and even celebrate it, and while I still hold many feelings of anger and resentment, they're not towards the baby and I'm getting excited to meet it soon. Hard to believe how half a year changes everything. Only 2 more months to go!

Onto bigger (no pun intended) and better things...like water aerobics. My friend Penina who's about 6 weeks ahead of me, convinced me to come with her to class at the gym we belong to. First of all, I'm already impressed with myself that I haven't frozen my membership yet (I'm way past when I did with Ivy!), so I'm motivated to find reasons to keep going as long as I'm paying for it. I decided to give the class a shot. Maybe it would be good for my messed up back.

Penina told me that she lets the instructor know that she's pregnant, and that we should do the same if it's a different one. I don't think I need to let anyone know that I'm pregnant at this point! Besides, the instructor said she had us pegged before we even got in the pool - I guess the way we waddled down the steps gave it away?!? Anyway the class was fun, and funny...low impact, but good exercise, and hilarious to see where we could and couldn't move our legs. And for the love of God, can someone tell me why one would use a pool noodle when doing water aerobics?? Isn't the point that one is supposed to be one's own flotation device? This one lady was just chillin' on her noodle lifting the "weights" sorta half ass. I don't get it. Oh, and it sucked that we couldn't just jump in the spa after it was over. Oh well.

And like most times I do any sort of exercise more strenuous than walking, was that I was RAVENOUS when I came home. I ate dinner, and then about an hour and half later ate again. I've never really been a night-time eater after dinner, except for dessert, but I felt like my tummy was empty! Great - now my effort to stay fit leads me to run the risk of eating myself out of house and home and driving our grocery bills through the roof.

Meanwhile, the Gorgeous Fatties are now dropping like flies (but it seems like every time we get together someone else has announced a pregnancy...circle of life, blah blah blah). Zuzana gave birth a month ago, Candice and Diana had their little boy this week (yay!) and Penina is next. As this brings my reality closer and closer, I also have the emotions of dealing with Ivy and how fast she's going...her PRESCHOOL registration packet came in the mail the other day! Whenever things like this happen that make me tear up, Mike starts singing "Sunrise Sunset"...shut up.

But speaking of Ivy and how awesome she is, I've mentioned before that she loves talking to my belly. She says goodbye every morning on her way out the door, and likes to give it updates on what I/we are doing. "Baby we're at home now!" "Baby, Mommy went to swim class by herself!" "Baby, we're going to eat dinner now!" And the other night we were walking home from a fro-yo trip, and we said "Ivy, what are you going to say to the baby when it comes out of mommy's tummy?" Usually she says "When the baby comes out, it's born and you give it milk and pacifier." But the other night she said "I love you Baby." ::MELT::

"Is this the little girl I carried..."

The almost 29-week update

Well, wow. Thanks to everyone who sent me suggestions about patio furniture! Definitely some great resources...for later. First, we want to see what the new neighbors bring with them (crossing our fingers that they’re normal, more importantly). But I really don’t think I could face Ivy and tell her that we spent her “IKAR school” money on an outdoor dining set. She’d be scarred for life, probably.

Anyway, since there isn’t too much new and exciting to report, I’m doing another “canned update.” Enjoy!

Pregnancy: 28 1/2 Weeks

Weight Gain: Gulp...

Gender: Been thinking girl lately...who knows.

Sleep: I’m at the point where I can’t really move or flip over with ease, so I end up on one side and stay there, which works out nicely. But then there’s Ivy, who last week was up a couple times in the middle of the night. She of course requests to come to the “big bed” (ours), which we politely decline. Then if rocking and singing doesn’t work, one of us (and I’ll give you a hint - it’s not me) has to lay down on the floor next to the crib holding her hand through the rail. Mike was the hero the other night, except every time he tried to get up she’d freak out, so he spent a couple hours trying to sleep on the floor. FAIL.

Feeling: Stressed, anxious, etc. (What else is new?) Physically, I’m getting increasingly uncomfortable, but trying to keep up with normal activities.

Health: Great! Passed the glucose test (phew!) and otherwise I’m well, even though I’m apparently growing a giant baby.

Maternity clothes: My latest revelation is that I like buying maternity clothes, but I don’t like wearing them. I’m not one of those people who can get away with buying cute regular clothes in bigger sizes, because my belly is just too round. Heck, half of my maternity shirts don’t even cover the belly! And I’m not interested in stretching out too many of my normal clothes, so I’m forced to buy maternity. But I realized that the hunt can be fun - searching for steals and deals on the interwebz (I’m the queen of this, I swear) that are stylish and not hideous. I’ve had some great finds...and then I put them on and realize I still look like a whale, albeit a comfortable whale.

Food cravings: I was thinking about the In-N-Out grilled cheese this weekend, and it’s still on the brain. That and peaches. I love peaches.

Belly: Huge. Though thankfully not as itchy as last time.

Movement: Constantly - it freaks Ivy out when she feels it move for real. Usually she'll touch my belly and say "It's moving?" But then we she actually gets kicked she get's this deer in the headlights look and says "No more."

What I am looking forward to: I can’t wait for Ivy to meet Dos for the first time! It will be so great to have her come visit me after the birth, and then have Daddy bring in the baby. I can't stand it, it's so darn amazing to imagine.

What I miss: Feeling normal. It’s complicated.

Best moment this week: The whole weekend was great! We drove to San Diego on Saturday for Kris’s going away party where we saw a bunch of friends. Went out to dinner with my family and had an incredible meal, and then hung out downtown at Heidi’s new condo. Sunday we went to the Dodger’s game where, despite the oppressive traffic and even more oppressive heat, we had a good time. Ivy was a real trooper, though I don’t think she watched more than a minute of the game. However, she did enjoy dancing and running around the concourse and stealing sips of my Icee. And I learned an important lesson - Dodger Stadium is no place for 7 months pregnant women and their toddlers in terms of user-friendliness. Why am I not surprised? I didn’t grow up hating the Dodgers for nothing!

Hanging out with "mommy's friends" before Kris leaves for Colombia

Excited for Kristin's little one too!

Addendum

Two more to add to the list:

Chest - sounds like a synonym for chest that starts with the letter T.

"Six yogurt" - Ivy asked for this for breakfast this morning. Kinda gross.

- Mike

Words

Baby Dos will learn a lot from his/her big sis Ivy. One of those things I'm sure will be words. Ivy is very verbal and verbose, and spends most of her time talking about things that happened "yesterday" (like her birthday party which was a month and a half ago) or singing, or telling us to sing or not talk.

However, Ivy also mispronounces a lot of words, including some which sound like profanity. Here are some of her/our faves:

Clock

Clap

Quack (same as "clap")

Fork

Peanuts (a new fave)

Purse-y (the ever popular diminutive form of "purse")

Blue shirt (think about it)

Ivy also knows a lot of synonyms for "rear end," including bon-bons and booty. (I blame her mother for this). She also knows that when certain songs are sung or played, the appropriate way to dance to them is to smack her ass repeatedly. This will help her immensely come bat mitzvah time.

She also says "party" and "potty" the same way, which is confusing especially since those are two of her favorite subjects to talk about. At first I had hoped that she was developing a Boston accent, though then she would pronounce "party" as "paaaahty" and "potty" as "tha shittah."

Hopefully Doserino will also be a talker and singer, and I will have many more years of repeatedly crooning "A Donkey Named Eeyore" to my children as they shout words of encouragement ("Again!"), constructive criticism ("Faster!"), and despair ("No talking no singing!"). - Mike