One month down...

Last weekend, on Saturday, Sidney turned one month!

Mike was opposed, but I really wanted to do month pictures with Sidney, something I never really did with Ivy. (He's just pissed because I forgot to take his 373 month picture last month.) People on the message boards I used to go on when Ivy was a baby always took those pictures, but holding up a crappy-made sign, scribbled in pencil on the back of a used envelope or something, "So-and-so is 3 months old today!" I swore if I ever did that I wouldn't do a sign, so I found these cute stickers instead. There's one for each month (duh) and you just stick it on a plain onesie. Bam!

With one month under our belts, we're all doing pretty well. I'm feeling pretty great, and gain more and more strength every day...which is a good thing because tonight is the last of our amazing Hesed meals, and I will need to start cooking again. I even managed to get out ALONE last night! I went to a premier party for the release of this video, where I saw friends, networked a little, and enjoyed my favorite libation (margarita!) and snack (chips and salsa!). Sidney is awake more during the day, and he's just so chill and awesome. He loves looking around and just hanging out with me. He's eating like it's going out of style, and he has a pile of outgrown clothes to show for it.

Last night Sidney slept a 7 HOUR stretch! (Okay, perhaps the abovementioned margarita had something to do with it.) When I looked at clock and saw 5:38, I was so freaking happy. Until...

"MOMMY!"

Seriously?! Both kids up at this hour, and I'm only happy about one of them. Since it was still pitch black we decided to see if we could get her back to sleep, because obviously she doesn't know what time it is. After a few back and forths of Mike and I going into her room, and a few songs, back rubs, and hand holding, we thought she went back to sleep...but alas. By this point it was 6:30 and Mike was getting up anyway, so he got her up and that was that. Sid and I went back to sleep, dreaming of when the next long stretch would come.

I know, you're probably wanting to type something like "HA! You just THINK he's sleeping through the night - I guarantee he'll never do it again!" because that's what we heard with Ivy all the time. No where did I suggest this was the case. Case in point - Ivy is almost 2 1/2 and still sometimes gets up in the middle of the night! Let me enjoy my sleep while I'm getting it, thankyouverymuch.

Speaking of, methinks it's time for a nap!

A day in the life of Mommy Brain

This should come as no surprise to any new mom, but I think the nursing just sucks all sense and clarity from my brain via the boob. Getting sucked into the rabbit hole that is the internet, starting projects but not finishing them, forgetting to eat...yup, that's my life these days. Here's a glimpse into a typical day at home with Sidney:

• Feed baby
• Get up to refill water bottle - leave baby sleeping on the bed
• Bring bottle to the kitchen but don't fill it because I decide to have a snack
• Put a piece of bread in the toaster - get peanut butter out
• Remember that I want to look up a random baby product online - leave the kitchen
• Hello baby! (I swear I didn't forget about you) Look up random product on the internet - completely forget about the water and the toast
• Mail's here! Open it to find yet another confused hospital bill - make mental note to call insurance
• Search for the phone to call insurance - on the way, see a basket of Ivy's clean laundry and start putting it away
• While in her closet, I discover a box of cards people gave her from when she was born - stop to read the cards
• Decide I'm thirsty - where's the damn water bottle?
• Feed baby
• Decide to move the nursing party to the living room - I could use a snack...
• See the pile of mail - remember that I need to pay a bill online
• Go back to the bedroom via the kitchen - oh there's my water! Why do i have the jar of peanut butter sitting out?
• Speaking of food, I should make a grocery list - need to look up a recipe
• Wow, there's some cool stuff on FoodNetwork.com!
• 2 hours and dozens of websites later, I remember I made toast - it's now cold, and I'm craving something else anyway
• Dammit - I forgot to call insurance!
• I should start a blog entry - but wait, baby's crying
• Feed baby
• Lather, rinse and repeat

This is indeed life as we know it

Welcome to Week 3 of maternity leave. First week was all about coming home from the hospital and getting settled at the house, and the bris of course. After all the family left and the commotion died down, we had Week 2 which was a chance for Mike and I to bond with the baby in peace and quiet as I continued my recovery. We accomplished a bunch of tasks around the house, went out to lunch a couple times (we had some good Groupons to use), and tried to get Ivy back into the swing of "normal" life. More about that later.

And today, Mike went back to work. Now I'm really on my own! Thank goodness I'm feeling much better, though by day's end I'm beyond exhausted and my back is killing me (note to self - do not get pregnant or give birth again until you can afford weekly - or monthly - massages). I'm determined to make the next couple months more productive and enjoyable than my leave was with Ivy. For one thing, I'm less overwhelmed this time, with newborn care at least, and more motivated to do things having learned my lesson 2 years ago when the time flew by and I accomplished practically nothing. And I'm talking about making baby scrapbooks and such, not much else. I am going to try to enjoy the time with Sidney in ways I couldn't with Ivy, and then of course enjoy Ivy in the afternoons when she gets home.

I am so grateful that this time around I have a number of other friends with newborns who live close by. When Ivy was born, I had a few other new mom friends, but the babies were born within months of each other...this time it's days and weeks, so we're all at more or less the same stage of baby-ness. In fact today, Penina, Candice and I are off to the Grove with our little boys to the Monday Morning Mommy Movies to see LIFE AS WE KNOW IT. I admit I'm the first one to snark on this movie, but it's a good excuse to get out and be with friends. And then I have to do some wifely/mommy duties and grocery shop, since we seem to have an abundance of lettuce in our fridge and not much else. We finished off our leftovers last night, and this morning Ivy took a PB sandwich to school for like the 764th day in a row...yup, just call me Mom of the Year. (Though I did sew a button onto her dress this morning, so that counts in the domesticity column.) I thought I'd be more excited to do my favorite household task that I haven't done in 2 months, but honestly I'm a bit overwhelmed.

Speaking of being overwhelmed, let me say this - the infant is a piece of cake; the toddler is a whole other story. Ivy loves her little brother to bits, wanting to be with him and kiss him all the time. It's awesome. But she has also decided that she doesn't want to nap anymore...or go to bed at all...or sleep til a decent hour like she's always done. I would be fine, in theory, with her dropping her nap except that she's so freakin' cranky by mid afternoon that we're all on the verge of implosion. We've been forced to take her out in the stroller on weekends where she'll finally fall asleep for about half hour or so...it sucks, but we'll take it. And no matter how early we get her to eat dinner and begin bedtime routine it always ends up getting derailed and she's overtired and crying until much later than intended. Oy. This too shall pass, I suppose...

So while she generally loves the baby, Ivy's greatest disappointment thus far is Sid's apparent dislike for pacifiers. In her big sister book, which has been her bible for the last few months, she learned that when the baby cries it may want milk or a pacifier. Well I'm not going to start pumping for another couple weeks (though she likes touching his head while I nurse and saying "I'm feeding him!"), so she's been pushing the binky really hard. And well, he's just not that into it. We've tried a couple different kinds but he's just down. He scrunches up his face when he realizes the object being put in his mouth is not dispensing milk. We're going to need to find other ways for Ivy to be a good helper...maybe she'll be up for changing poopy diapers? One can only dream.

Nothing like starting your day with a little ritual circumcision...

Jewish law is never without complex questions and interpretations, and often even controversy. It should come as no surprise that planning this bris was no exception to grappling with complexity and controversy, given the entire pregnancy and birth experience. Basic rule of the bris - it's strictly performed on the 8th day of a boy's life and no earlier (it may be delayed for health reasons, if necessary). And if that 8th day happens to be Shabbat or a holy day, the commandment to perform the bris trumps the prohibition of work on those days. Great! So the baby was born on Thursday morning - which happened to be the first day of Sukkot - and 8 days later was the following Thursday, which happened to be Shemini Atzeret. Bris trumps chag...simple, right?

Except...

Oh yeah, babies born by c-section do not apply. Huh?

Turns out babies born by c-section do not experience "birth" in the (Jewish) legal sense because they do not pass through the birth canal (I actually knew this already). Therefore, not only is there no commandment that the bris take place on the 8th day, but it is actually forbidden to do so on Shabbat or a holy day because it would be considered work. So the bris would take place the next day that is not a holy day...in our case, that would have been the next Sunday, 11 days after his birth, because we had back to back to back holidays and Shabbat. Oy.

Mike and I were very uncomfortable with this notion, and thus consulted our many rabbi friends. Some had never really heard of this rule, and believed it should be on the 8th day regardless, and others had never really encountered this dilemma in their rabbinic careers (none of which is longer than about 2 years). We spoke to a couple Orthodox rabbi mohels, who confirmed they would not perform the bris until Sunday, even though our own egalitarian yet traditional rabbi was fine with doing it on the 8th day. This was getting frustrating...if for no other reason, we had a party to plan and little time to make it happen.

I admit I was pretty confused about what to do. I really like traditional Judaism, even with all of its quirks and laws that often don't seem to make a lick of sense. And I typically don't believe in watering down something or making up my own interpretation of a law just so that it's more convenient for me and my lifestyle. I love the inherent struggle that we encounter when it comes to Jewish law and figuring out how to live meaningful lives in accordance with our tradition. So here I was, stuck between wanting an 8-day bris for my son (who did not choose to be born by c-section) and wanting to follow the law telling me I would have to wait 11 days.

I called another mohel, who was not a rabbi but a urologist and had done brit milot for other friends and community members, to see what he would do. We had a great conversation about the whole scenario, and found that his philosophy was much more in line with Mike's and mine. He took a much more egalitarian approach that looked at the bigger picture of the birth experience. He believed that if the c-section was not scheduled, an 8-day bris should be performed. The baby chose to enter the world when it did, and that is what should be the deciding factor. This made me feel a lot better because not only did he arrive before he was scheduled to, the c-section was not even elective so I wouldn't have been able to avoid it regardless. The mohel further believed that even if a baby was born vaginally but labor was electively induced, that he would not do the 8-day bris on a chag because the baby was not born according to when it was meant to. This was a philosophy that made much more sense to Mike and I and, more importantly, to our rabbi who would be presiding over the rest of the ceremony. (Though in typical Kim fashion, I was having doubts the day before wondering if we made the right decision!)

So on the 8th day of his life, we held the brit milah for our son. It was an exhilerating morning. We were in the beautiful sukkah in the exquisite backyard garden of our dear friend and neighbor Lori, the sun was shining (but not too oppressively hot as the last few days had been), and we were surrounded by our family and friends. It could not have been more perfect. Andy, the mohel, described how it's traditional to hold a bris first thing in the morning because then you have the whole day to bask in the joy and celebration of the moment. This could not have been more true, as I was glowing for the rest of the day. He handled the circumcision great - cried, and then was immediately comforted when he was placed back in my arms - and there were many touching moments that I won't soon forget. Great Grandpa Howard as the sandek - 4 generations! - holding him, my mom's audible gasp upon hearing his name spoken aloud for the first time, and looking out at the smiles and tears of everyone who was there to witness the occasion. You can click below to read about how we chose his name:

Sidney Louis - Ephraim Avichayil

We spent the rest of the morning noshing on bagels and sweets, and calling sweet Sidney by his name. Oh and of course many, many photos were taken (no way I could tell my dad that photography was not allowed on chag!)...see below, and more on Facebook:




And then, because we are whores for being honored (not really, well except maybe Ivy who was fresh off the heels from her now famous Big Sister Dance), we received an aliyah on Shabbat two days later at IKAR. This was also a highlight of the week - the parsha was Bereshit, in the beginning. We started reading the Torah again from the very first line. We were called up, and the community was also invited up to watch this first aliyah being read, as it only happens once every three years. The moment was quite profound - it was a new beginning indeed. We were all starting the narrative over again, this time one year later, and one year wiser. We had a new baby who was at the very beginning of his journey, and of whom I am deeply in awe. The baby that surprised us, time and again, was here...I don't know what we did to deserve this great gift of a new life, or what any person who has ever lived has done to deserve life, but I know that Sidney has a real reason for being in this world and I can't wait to continue learning what it is.

Schedules are for suckers

Well that happened! This baby has been all about surprising us from the start, so I shouldn't have been surprised that he decided to show up before his scheduled eviction. Here's how it all went down:

Since Monday night, I had been feeling VERY anxious. On the one hand it was a relief to have a date scheduled, but for some reason it felt like I had scheduled myself to check into jail or for an execution or something. I know that sounds terribly morbid, but surgery was feeling more and more like a punishment and was totally disconnected to having a baby. I couldn't help it. I was just plain scared. And then I went down the rabbit hole of imagining every possible scenario where something could go wrong. Monday night was rough. Tuesday was better, and I was so exhausted by Tuesday night that I finally slept well again. On Wednesday, Mike decided that what I needed to get through the week was something little to look forward to every day so I had something positive to focus on. We planned a few little outings that wouldn't be too incompatible with my modified bedrest and tried to figure out ways to enjoy the next 7 days. (Maybe it was the whole "last meal before baby" talk that made me feel like I was on death row!)

Anyway, got into bed Wednesday night feeling more or less fine...calm, not in pain or anything. As I was reading, I felt something drip. Thought I was just bleeding again, which even if it wasn't so bad would have still made me nervous. But no, my water broke! And it was very bloody, so off to the hospital we went. The funny part is that I had just to a friend the day before that I was less scared of a spontaneous event such as this than I was of the scheduled c-section. At least now I knew what to do and I didn't have to think twice about anything - there was no second guessing whether I should go to the hospital. However I was still quaking with disbelief that it was about to happen - I said to Mike, "I guess we're having a baby tonight!" And not a moment too soon - we had JUST finished watching the last season's finale of DEXTER! It was really good, though not optimal to be headed into the hospital with visions of a serial killer cutting people open and bathtubs full of blood.

Fortunately we have awesome new neighbors, after the monsters moved out, and Christian was able to come down immediately to watch Ivy, who was already asleep, until someone else could get there. Denise, his wife, is a nurse at the Cedars nursery so when she heard I was headed in she called both the ER and L&D to tell them I was on my way. It was so sweet. And amazing that from the time my water broke and I got to the hospital only about 20 minutes had elapsed. My bag had been (minimally) packed since my first hospital stay so I was ready, and luckily I remembered to grab the camera (which thank God had a charged battery!) on the way out!

We arrived at the hospital and I was warmly greeted by the receptionist who was expecting me and wheeled upstairs. I was shaking, I was so scared...not of the bleeding or water breaking, but by the inevitable surgery that was now literally staring me in the face. I couldn't even sign myself in. Finally I was in triage and being checked out - baby of course was doing great, kicking off the monitors every chance it got, but they confirmed that it was indeed too much blood to let me wait til Tuesday (duh) and since at the stroke of midnight I would be exactly 37 weeks, it was time to prep the OR. They called my doctor who showed up soon after, and we got ready. Mike put on scrubs and so it all began.

Fakest smile ever - I am terrified out of my wits!

I'm not gonna lie. I hated it. Despite all of the reassuring words of support, it was utterly miserable, despite the outcome and the fact that everything actually went very smoothly and quickly. First came the epidural. When I was in labor with Ivy, that moment was heaven on earth (except for the anesthesiologist) because I had been in so much pain. This time, it was the same huge ordeal but it wasn't relief from pain at all (I wasn't in any), rather it was to prep me for the dreaded surgery. It worked great and soon I was laying not-so-comfortably on the table, numb from mid-chest down. And this is where I'm so glad to have had the advice from several friends who've had c-sections, because at that point I started shaking uncontrollably. I had been warned about this, but it was worse than I had imagined. My teeth were chattering and my arms were flailing on the boards they were held out against. I was looking around the white room with the bright lights and all of the people, and the machines beeping, and yes, even the Bob Marley Greatest Hits playing in the background (what the...?). It was surreal.

I had no idea that the procedure had even begun until Mike, who was sitting at my head, stood up and peered over the curtain and said "I see the legs...and wait, is that a little penis?! It's a BOY!" And he laughed. It was an incredible moment - I was hating the whole thing, yet I found a moment to finally calm down and breathe a sigh of relief that our little boy was finally out. But I still had to lay there and get stitched up, so I wasn't entirely out of the woods yet. I tried to focus on watching the baby who was now to my left at the warmer. Mike was taking lots of pictures and then showing them to me so I could be in on the action. And then before I knew it, they were cleaning up me and the room and it was over. Thank God. "Every little thing...is gonna be alright...." Oh Bob, how profound and timely!

Here he is!

At that point Mike had escorted the baby out of the room. He was breathing on his own okay, but it was a bit labored and because he was early AND delivered by c-section, they wanted to keep an extra close watch on his lungs to make sure there was no excess fluid in there. So he went off to the NICU for some observation and stayed there for about the first 36 hours of his life. It was tough - I wanted to be with him and start breastfeeding, and I just wanted to know he was okay. Mike would go up there every couple hours to check, and fortunate he was going great. Eventually, once I was out of recovery, I was able to go up and start feeding him. And that continued every three hours, through the night, until about noon on Friday when he was finally released and brought to my room. I won't even get into the nonsense situation of our nurses that first day, but let me just say that expressing our concerns and issues to the charge nurse (and, randomly, someone Mike knows who works in development here) got us very far.

First feeding in the NICU - thankfully, he only had all the tubes in for about 12 hours (looks scarier than it was)

By the time he came down to me and I had some amazing new nurses, I was much more relaxed and calm, and so happy to finally be with my baby. And then, enter Big Sister Ivy. Oh my God, one of the best moments of my life, hands down. She was so excited to meet her baby brother! She was jumping up and down shrieking (which had to try to put a stop to) saying "That's my baby!" She smothered his little feet with kisses and patted him gently. It was great to have the two of them snuggling with me in my bed. In fact the only time she freaked out was when we told her she couldn't help feed the baby yet. She knows that at some point she'll be able to help with a bottle but I told her that right now all of the milk is inside me and soon I will put some in a bottle. "But I want you to put the milk in the bottle NOW!" Sorry kiddo, not getting the pump out again so soon.

"It's my baby!"

Holy crap, I have 2 kids!

Anyway, we've been resting and recovering nicely here. I'm on baby's feeding schedule (he's a frequent grazer), so that's about a busy as I get. We've had a bunch of visitors, which has been lovely, especially since they've been inundating me with cupcakes and cookies and cake pops. Not great for losing weight, but I'm still in week one postpartum so I'm entitled. Oh, and who knew there was an insane heat wave right now?! I love the heat, and I'm stuck in the hospital! Well, it is warmer than I would like in this room, but I'm not outside so that's a bummer. Tomorrow I go home - and thus begins our new life. See you on the flip side when we'll be able to announce his name!

Hello world - here I am!

More annoying things people say to us/Kim

Hello.

Sorry I have not blogged in a while - I have been busy being the only adult here who can walk freely for extended periods of time, bend down, cook, shop, drive, leave the bed, bathe a child, pick up a child, access the DVD player, conjugate verbs, and attempt differential calculus, so blogging has sort of fallen to the wayside.

(To be fair, technically Kim could conjugate verbs and attempt differential calculus if she wanted to, but she's being lazy. "Wah, I'm on bed rest," she moans, chocolate-covered pretzel crumbs falling from her lips to the covers. "Modified bed rest," I counter. "Modified." But still, she gives me no quarter.).

Anyhoo, last time I wrote a popular blog about annoying things people said to us/Kim during the pregnancy, and our snarky responses that we are too wussy to say to people's faces. Many of those comments sadly have returned this time, especially the "Wow, you're huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge!" and "Is it twins?" comments - apparently those commenters did not read the blog last time. For reference on how to respond to those people, see the former blog, which I would hyperlink to if I weren't so technologically unsavvy. Although to be fair, most people reading this read the last blog, so they know what I'm talking about.

Some new popular awkward comments, and our sarcastic responses:

1. "When is the baby due?"

"We're having a C section on Sept 28."

"I don't know..."

"You don't know what?"

"I mean, you could go at any second!"

"Nope, the C section is scheduled for Sept 28."

"But look at you! You're ready to pop!"

"But I'm not. Our actual due date is Oct 14. The C section technically is 2 weeks early."

"Yeah but still..."

"BUT STILL WHAT MOTHERFUCKER????? THE C SECTION IS SEPT 28!!! DID I STUTTER???"

It amazes me the lack of faith people have in medical science. The C section is Sept 28. That's when the kid's coming out. Deal with it. You can size up Kim's tummy all you want and make your own old-wives'-tale-ish prediction based on the angle of her belly button contrasted against the moon's placement in relation with Saturn or something, but that doesn't change the fact that on Sept 28, we're going to Cedars and having a kid.

Granted, the baby could be born before Sept 28. However, that would mean that something very, very bad happened, like Kim started hemorrhaging blood, and we had to rush her to the hospital for an emergency C section. That would not be a whimsical "I thought the baby was coming on Sept 28, but oops, it had its own agenda!" scenario; that would be a "Please Lord save the lives of my wife and unborn child" scenario, which we are not rooting for at all. So like I said, Sept 28. Put it on your fucking calendar, Jack.

2. "What does Ivy think about all this?"

"Ivy is so excited to be a big sister! She reads her Big Sister book all the time, and talks about how she wants to help out with the baby and bring it milk and stuff. She's always hugging Kim's tummy and talking to the baby. She loves playing with Baby Benjamin at day care, and Baby Bridget upstairs. She's gonna be great!"

"I don't know..."

"I don't know what?"

"That's a theoretical baby. When the actual baby comes out, it could be a different story."

"Well, we'll deal with that if it happens, but she seems so excited to meet the new baby!"

"Yeah, but she doesn't realize that the real baby will be taking time away from Mommy, and will make noise, and that Mommy and Daddy may not pay as much attention to her as before. This might give her psychological trauma that she will never be able to handle, leading to years of therapy, a string of unsatisfying relationships with men, and ultimately, prison and an early grave."

"You know what, ese? Fuck you and the horse you rode in on."

Seriously, people. Why does everyone imagine a scenario in which Ivy hates the new baby? Ivy is so stoked for the baby to come. Maybe when it comes, things will change, but let's cross that bridge when we come to it. Let's not worry about the awful things that might happen and focus on the fact that every now and then, Ivy will say to Kim, "I want to tell the baby a secret," and then whisper to Kim's tummy "I love you," which might be THE MOST ADORABLE THING IN THE WORLD. If Ivy freaks when the baby's born, so be it, but a) I'm not betting on that at the moment and b) we've got enough crap to deal with in life, let's not start imagining hypothetical crap scenarios too. The Democrats might also lose Congress. Why don't you expend your mental energy on that?

3. (This response was stolen from one of Kim's friends, but I like it so I'm ripping it off).

"Wow, look at you! You're huge!"

"So are you! You used to be so skinny, now you're just a fat piece of shit! Every heard of lettuce? Seriously, does your ass have its own zip code? Do you have to use the handicapped toilets because your gut doesn't fit through the regular stall doors?"

Always fun to turn the tables on people...

Peace out. - Dad

I picked my kid's birthday...now that's just weird.

Well we're getting down to the wire folks, and frankly I'm not sure what to think anymore. I am relieved to be almost done, and both excited and anxious about what happens next after what has been the longest freakin' pregnancy ever. So here's a canned update, since I'm not in the mood to spew what's REALLY been on my mind!

Pregnancy: 36 Weeks! One more week and I'm really in the clear, text book-wise.

Weight Gain: This is unfair. I am in bed all (okay most) of the day. And I still have to eat even though I can't go out and take nice walks or go to water aerobics. So clearly the net gain is more than it should be. Grrr...

Gender: Still having girl dreams, but doing things like speaking to mohels, just in case.

Sleep: Decent, as long as I don't go to bed with c-section anxiety or worrying that I'm going to wake up in the middle of the night bleeding again. Though the other day, even after a good night's rest, I could NOT keep my eyes open. I had to send Mike for a latte...our power was out, so I couldn't even get up to make a caffeinated cup on my own.

Feeling: Roller coaster mood swings, mostly related to having to dealing with scheduling a c-section. Also a bit relieved that things seem to finally be falling into place...

Health: Hanging in...stabilized, and otherwise in no pain except the discomfort one would expect to feel having a small child strapped to their belly.

Maternity clothes: That's funny. Again, I barely get out of bed, so my "wardrobe" has been t-shirts (that barely cover my belly anymore) and sweat pants. It's a big day when I get to go to a doctor's appointment or something and put on a skirt or jeans.

Food cravings: Wait for it...wait for it...

AUTUMN MIX!!!

Belly: Gooooooooo stretch marks!!!

Movement: The one thing that keeps me sane dealing with the complications...never ONCE have I feared the baby to be in danger because it's like Saturday Night Fever in there. And Ivy loves feeling it now!

What I am looking forward to: Being able to take walks again! Can I handle the double stroller? We shall see!

What I miss: I can't even say alcohol because I've totally thrown in the towel and had a glass of wine when I REALLY needed it. So I'm going to go with taking walks (see above).

Best moment this week: There are a few. First, watching Ivy have a blast at preschool open house today. She is going to love it there. Second, Mike's new job. And third, setting an eviction date for Dos. Drumroll please...

Happy birthday!